


Keeping You Safe

by jinfanfics



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bones POV, Confessions, Fluff, Hurt Bones, Hurt Jim, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Starship Enterprise (Star Trek), Unrequited Love, also here there is just a 3 age difference, even the pointed-eared hobgoblin agrees with bones on that so it means hell will freeze over, except geoffrey and nurse chapel, idiot jim who just wants to help everyone although not everyone is worth his kindness, jealous bones, jim is 26, jim is a reckless idiot who is too kind for his own good, mccoy 29, or is it really?, star trek but I had AOS characters in mind when writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15653697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinfanfics/pseuds/jinfanfics
Summary: No matter how many times Jim promises to take care of himself better every time Leonard patches him up and curses at him for being a reckless idiot, the kid never fulfills his promise.Over and over, Leonard has to watch him in this state, has to keep calm as he focuses on not messing something up while operating on Jim, his heart banging against his chest, the sound so loud that it deafens him.But, what happens when the roles switch and he becomes the patient with Jim helplessly watching him fall in front of his beautiful electric blue eyes?Will the kid finally realize how he feels every time Jim is brought to him, wrecked and bloodied?Also, will the Captain realize something else as well when he almost loses his best friend?





	Keeping You Safe

**Author's Note:**

> I was always a big AOS Star Trek fan, but it had never occurred to me that I could write a story based on that. Not until I recently re-watched the movies and suddenly got inspiration for this work.

“Doctor!”

Leonard stirred for a moment, still not ready to let go of the pleasant warmth of one of the rare dreams he had been having, instead of the frequent nightmares that usually haunted him.

For the first time in a while he did not see the most beautiful set of blue eyes he had ever seen in his life growing wide with panic while that plush mouth coughs out blood and that large hand clutches his blue uniform, whispering accusatorily, “Why, Bones? I thought we were friends…Why d-didn’t you save me…”

Those kinds of dreams always make him break out in cold sweat, often waking up in the darkness of his quarters, a strangled cry leaving his lips.

It’s always the same name that escapes his mouth in those moments.

Jim.

“McCoy!!!”

This time the voice was loud enough to reach him even in the pleasant buzz of his dream and cause him to jerk awake, blinking his eyes like a startled animal for a few moments.

Before he realized where he was, or what was happening, he was already on his feet, running towards the source of the voice calling out to him urgently.

He knew what that meant.

Jim was hurt.

He didn’t stop running even for a second as he reached the bridge where the sight had him rooted to the spot for a few moments.

He stood there frozen, watching with horror the state his best friend was in.

He was sprawled on his back with Spock and Uhura hovering above him and trying to get him to at least sit up, but Leonard knew that that was an impossible task even without Jim saying anything.

The first thing that he noticed was the amount of blood that had already formed around Jim and he couldn't even determine where the source of it was, because Jim’s body was practically covered in cuts ranging from shallow to extremely deep, some even reaching his bones.

Leonard felt sick to the stomach, not because of the gruesome sight, because he had seen worse before,  unfortunately involving the same person that requires his medical assistance now.

No…He felt like he was going to vomit, because it hadn’t even been a full month since Jim was brought in his sickbay, his limbs completely thorn from a mission gone wrong at one of the supposedly uninhabited planets, only for them to discover that not only were their reports wrong about it, but also that the natives of that same planet were the complete opposite of ‘welcoming’.

All of those that had gone there had gotten hurt, but of course, as always—their captain just had to be the one to draw the shortest straw.

It was no surprise, because the loyal idiot that he was, he would do anything to protect his crew, but also his rebellious foul-mouth just had to make things worse, causing the leader of the natives to use a weapon they had never before seen to wound him.

Not once. Not twice. But four times.

One laser beam shot to each of his limbs.

And oh yeah, as if that wasn’t enough to have Jim screaming in agony as he was brought to one of the biobeds then, he also managed to hit the back of his head on one of the pointed rocks which caused him to gain a concussion so serious that it took him a week to wake up.

During that time, like many times before, Leonard felt as if he had been losing his mind.

He barely slept, or ate, spending most of his time next to Jim’s bed and hoping, praying (despite being an atheist) to whatever force there existed (if it even did) to save the stubborn ass of his friend.

His prayers had been heard then, like many times before.

His best friend did indeed wake up with a painful grunt, but also with that silly grin that he always had after surviving ‘near-death’ situations which Leonard hated and loved so much at the same time.

So, the usual followed.

Jim recovered quicker than most and despite his promise to Leonard that he would take it easy and be more careful in the future, he was already going on another planet with Spock and a few others, just 2 days ago.

And now here he was.

Lying in his own blood, coughing and gasping for air, his golden hair stuck to the nasty gash on his forehead, his eyes barely open, lips dry and split as he kept chanting desperately under his breath, “ Bones…Bones…”

Another broken promise, Leonard thought with a pang in his heart, the hole in his chest widening even more due to Jim’s inability to take better care of himself.

The idiot.

He ignored that sensation he got so used to by now that it was as if he was born with that empty space in his sternum and instead forced himself to move, yelling, “We need to get him to the operating room! ASAP!”

As soon as he shouted that in his stern voice, Spock was already scooping Jim up in his strong arms, despite Jim’s weak protests and grunts of pain and was rushing through the hallways with Leonard running after him, chanting softly under his breath, “ Please…Please, not him. Don’t take him away from me…”

The next thing he knew, he was already in the surgery room, having washed his hands quickly, the nurses already pulling gloves on his hands as he stared at Jim’s shirt soaked in blood, his knee sticking at an unnatural angle which made him barely suppress a wince as he all but spat out, “What the hell happened?!”

The only person, rather not person, but a Vulcan, present there other than him and the nurses was Spock, who, other than looking a bit shaken, the only indication of it being the way his usually narrow eyes  got slightly wider as he stared at Jim’s now lifeless body on the operating table, seems uninjured, said, “ We were ambushed. There were some Klingons hiding there and before anyone could react, they were already shooting at us. I immediately asked the Enterprise to beam us up, but before that was completed, Jim was pushing one of the crew members out of the way which was how he got fully blasted.”

Leonard frowned even more, because, of course Jim had to be the heroic idiot that he was.

He was mostly angry at himself, because he couldn’t blame Jim for what he did.

It was stupid and idiotic, but also brave and selfless and kind and—God, he was so going to strangle Jim.

After he, you know, saved him from the impending death.

“I caught the captain before his body connected with the ground and then we were being beamed back, but the damage was already done,” Spock finished, his gaze fixated on Jim’s body with the slight tremor in his lower lip breaking his usual mask of indifference.

Leonard averted his eyes, the panic kicking in even more intensely after witnessing the usually unperturbed pointed-eared goblin showing distress at Jim’s current state which seemed to be getting worse by the second.

“Okay. You need to wait outside. I’ll fix him up,” Leonard stated confidently and he knew he would be able to do it.

But what if one day he isn’t able to do so?

What if one day, despite his incredibly calm hands and ability to work under pressure, he just wouldn’t be able to put pieces of Jim back together?

What if there comes a day where there is a no-win scenario for his best friend?

_What if…?_

It was the question that haunted him every time he closed his eyes at night, or whenever Jim went on a mission.

No matter how many times Jim promised to take care of himself better every time Leonard patched him up and cursed at him for being a reckless idiot, the kid never fulfills his promise.

Over and over, Leonard has to watch him in this state, has to keep calm as he focuses on not messing something up while operating on Jim, his heart banging against his chest, the sound so loud that it deafens him.

He should just resign and walk away to spare himself from getting a heart-attack every time someone from the Enterprise crew calls for him in that voice that only means one thing—“ The Captain is hurt. _Badly.”_

He should…But he can’t.

No matter how much it tears him apart to see Jim like that, bloodied and barely breathing, it would completely destroy him if he walked away and then one day got a call that Jim was gone for good and he wasn’t even there to try and save him.

So, he stays and endures.

He chased away those dark thoughts as he said in a serious voice, “Scalpel,” before the metal sharp thing was handed to him by one of the nurses as he started the unbearable task of putting his best friend back together.

 ~

 

Like always, Jim greeted him with that stupid smile on his stupid, handsome face, his clear blue eyes shining so bright that Leonard has to stop for a moment and blink at the guy lying in the biobed, eating the jelly and flirting with one of the nurses.

Asshole.

“Bones!” Jim exclaimed full of glee when he saw him and Leonard really hates his treacherous heart for skipping a bit just at that.

He scowled his expression into a cold one as he approached the bed and revels in the fact that Jim’s smile faltered a bit.

Good.

Maybe the idiot would then understand what he had forced Leonard to witness.

Yet again.

However, he was very quickly proved to be wrong, because when he was finally standing next to Jim’s bed and looking down at him, the idiot was grinning again and nudging his side with his elbow, saying, “ Man, I thought I was a goner this time. Those Klingons sure are cowardly bastards, waiting for us like that. Luckily, I have my buddy to fix me in no time.”

Leonard knew that Jim meant all of that and that he should be happy for receiving such a compliment and also jump from joy because of the fact that Jim trusted him so much that he was practically certain Leonard would be able to just ‘patch him up like nothing happened’ every time he did something as stupid as this.

Well, Leonard has had it enough, so he snapped.

“You think this is funny, James?”

At that, Jim’s smile completely disappeared, his eyes widening, because Leonard almost never calls him by his real name.

Only when Jim fucks up royally.

And this is one of those times.

“No…,” Jim whispers as he looked away and Leonard hated that he actually felt guilty for making Jim look so small and vulnerable in that moment.

He wanted to stay angry and make a point.

A point which would get through Jim’s thick-skull and maybe get it in his stubborn head that he needs to be more careful.

Much more.

For his sake and Leonard’s mental sake.

But then his best friend just had to give him that kicked puppy-eyed look which always made Leonard’s stomach twist and turn, the need to protect Jim growing even more,  causing his resolve to crumble.

“But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let him hurt anyone from my crew. My crew is my family and you know that,” Jim said, his eyes burning with passion, making him look even more beautiful than he already was.

Naturally, Leonard caved in like always when it came to Jim and let out a defeated sigh as he rubbed a hand over his face.

Suddenly, he felt so tired and old.

And he was only 29 years old, for fuck’s sake.

Jim was just 3 years younger than him and yet the kid had gone through so much pain and suffering which Leonard couldn’t even fathom, despite his nasty divorce and the lowest point in his life after Jocelyn had left him, broken-hearted and feeling more alone than ever.

He thought then how he would never be able to recover.

That was until he met a young cadet on the Starfleet shuttle, confiding in him about his snake of an ex-wife due to his fear of flying which was when he also stated how he only had his ‘bones left’ after the divorce.

It was then and there with a flask of alcohol shared between him and the cadet that he found himself acquiring a friend.

Now his best friend.

Also, he, against his will, got the nickname ‘Bones,’ by that same friend, who was staring at him with those incredibly expressive eyes of his which made Leonard sick to his stomach, but not in a bad way.

More like, butterflies flapping their wings and flowers blooming in his stomach sort of way.

The comparison he just made about his real, hidden feelings towards his best friend made him cringe which caused Jim to frown at him as he innocently asked, “You okay?”

Leonard realized what he had just done and quickly waved his hand in front of him to dismiss that question as he noticed the slight crease of worry on that beautiful sun-kissed skin.

“I’m fine. And… I know you didn’t have a choice, but…,” Leonard said and sighed, before continuing, “Seeing you like that once again…Jim, I don’t know how long I will be able to go on like this. I dread the day when I might not be able to keep you alive. Do you get that? That’s why I need you to work hard on keeping yourself alive, because if I lose you then…Fuck, then I-I…”

Leonard ran a hand through his hair, not being able to continue.

He was frustrated and angry and anxious, but most of all he couldn’t stop worrying about the man on the bed staring at him with large eyes which hypnotized him every time they locked gazes.

The thought of those eyes once not opening scared him so much that he felt paralyzed.

“You’ll what, Bones?” Jim softly prompted, startling Leonard.

Leonard stared at him, the look of slight confusion and fondness on Jim’s face making his insides melt.

He knew that the only reason Jim looked at him like that was because he was just that kind of a guy.

No matter how careless he was most of the time, he was a very caring guy, who was just too kind for his own good.

That was one of his worst and best qualities, because if there was even the slightest chance to help someone then Jim would grab that opportunity and not let go until he did everything in his power to make sure everyone was alright.

Leonard just wished that Jim wouldn’t put himself on the line every time.

Then he would have less to worry about and wouldn’t feel on edge every time Jim left the Enterprise and most times came back barely breathing.

It really would have made Leonard’s life much easier.

Still, no matter what he said, he knew that Jim just couldn’t go against what he thought was right.

And Leonard couldn’t go against his feelings for Jim, because that would probably tear him apart, more than the sight of Jim being hurt.

Nevertheless, he was not going to be so selfish to impose those feelings on his best friend, because he was sure that they were one-sided.

And he valued their friendship more than anything.

That was why he said gruffly, “Then I will personally bring you back from the dead just to slap some sense into you, moron.”

He looked away and crossed his arms over his chest, despising the fact that when he heard Jim’s melodious laugh at his response fill the room, that usual warmth he felt whenever Jim smiled at him started spreading through his chest.

God, he was so gone for this idiot, it was pathetic, he thought.

“That sure would be an interesting sight,” he heard Jim say and when he looked at him there was a spark of mischief in those breathtaking eyes which just made him mutter under his breath, “Yeah, well, we’ll see how interesting you think it is when I bitch slap you,” which caused Jim to laugh even harder as Leonard hurriedly exited the sickbay.

However, Jim’s voice followed him through the hallway as the idiot shouted, “Oh, Bones! Despite that grumpy façade we all know that you are just one BIG SOFTIE!”

It was loud enough that the nurses passing next to him in that moment started snickering and he sent them a deadly glare, before stomping away and thinking how he had really terrible taste when it came to romantic partners.

 ~

 

This time, Leonard was also going on a mission with Jim and the others.

However, he was not thrilled about it.

“I still don’t like this,” he voiced out his dissatisfaction for the nth time, ever since Jim announced to all of them that they would be visiting Cardassians on their home planet in an attempt to strengthen their recent truce.

Cardassians, who had always been considered the enemies of the United Federation of Planets, until recently when their old leader died, causing them to weaken and seek a truce, in order not to be conquered.

It was a clever move by the new Cardassian leader and it was definitely better for the Federation to be at peace with them.

However, that did not mean that Leonard trusted those ridged-shaped bastards.

After all, they had been under military dictatorship for so long that it seemed impossible that they changed their hostile beliefs and attitudes over night.

That was exactly what he told Jim, ever since he found out that they were chosen to go there in order to act as some peacemakers or whatever.

More like sacrificial lambs, he thought bitterly and said repeatedly, but Jim just shushed him and told him not to worry since he had everything under control.

That made him even more anxious, because usually whenever Jim said that, things usually went to hell.

At least he would be able to keep an eye on Jim and to try and protect his problematic ass from getting in trouble.

“Bones, it’s going to be fine. I’m just gonna turn on my charm and sweet-talk them a bit and we’ll be gone before you can say, ‘a piece of cake’,” Jim said as he flashed him that million dollar smile of his that always made his stomach flutter.

But the feeling of relief was short-lived as they stepped into the Cardassian palace, the guards on every step.

“Piece of cake,” he muttered under his breath  and closed his eyes.

When he opened them, they were still there.

In enemy territory.

Fuck.

 ~

 

Surprisingly, none of those freaking spoonheads tried to harm them.

So far, Leonard thought as he looked around warily.

There were soldiers everywhere across the palace, even in the dining room where they had their meal, although Leonard brought the device to secretly check all of their meals in case they were poisoned.

Jim, the stubborn idiot, actually dared glare at him when Leonard tried to discreetly put the metal thing in his soup to check that there were no toxic substances there and then even slapped his hand away while chatting with one of those freaks.

The nerve, Leonard had thought then with a huff of indignation.

That left him no choice but to ‘accidentally’ spill Jim’s soup.

And if the contents of it ended up all over Jim with the younger male piercing holes in his face, well, then, the only logical thing was for Leonard to look at him with a dumbfounded expression which served in pissing Jim off even more.

Unfortunately, his little stunt delayed them, because Jim had to go and get cleaned up, but at least Leonard saved him from possible food poisoning.

On the other hand, a significant time period has passed, since Jim followed after the sister of the new emperor of Cardassians, who was supposed to show him the washing room.

Leonard was starting to get antsy as he kept looking down the hallway in front of the dining room where he, Spock and Uhura awaited for Jim to come back so that they could finally get the fuck out of here, because these spookily unmoving mutants were giving him the chills.

They were all so quiet in everything they did that one had to actually completely lean in when conversing with them, because they practically whispered every word when talking.

Well, that seemed to be the case with most of them, at least, but of course there were always exceptions, Leonard thought as he narrowed his eyes at Jim, who had changed in some black tunic with a golden emblem on his chest while his laugh boomed through the massive hallway as he kept talking to the sister of that freakazoid, who was also laughing.

Loudly.

Leonard clenched and then unclenched his fist when the ‘happy couple’ approached and he asked in a tight voice, “Ready to leave?”

Jim didn’t seem to notice his change in behavior, or if he did, he showed no reaction as he just brushed him off with a wave of the hand and said, “Bones, don’t be rude to our hosts.”

Leonard’s expression darkened, because a) their host was still inside the dining room, and b) ‘what the hell, Jim?!’ was what he wanted to yell, but restrained himself.

One wrong move and their bodies would be beamed in pieces to the Enterprise, he thought solemnly as he once again took notice of the guards, who seemed as if they weren’t paying attention to them, but he could see those bastards observing their every move out of the corner of their eye.

Shit.

They needed to get out of here.

Fast.

“Captain, not to rush you, but the Doctor has a point. We are scheduled to leave at 1900. It would be illogical to prolong our stay.”

Leonard had never thought that he would be grateful for the Vulcan next to him who said that, but at this moment he felt as if he could grab the green-blooded bastard by the face and kiss him.

He didn’t, of course, because he had no intention of puking afterwards.

He had no idea how Uhura managed to lock her lips with Spock on a daily basis, but hey, each to his own.

For example, he also wondered how he had fallen head over heels over that flirty bastard in front of them, who actually sulked and said in a regretful voice, “Ah, damn. Rachel was just telling me about the fascinating history of their people.”

Leonard felt the tick in his jaw as he observed _Rachel_ giggling while sliding her hand down Jin’s arm, who in return kept grinning at her like an idiot.

All of a sudden he had the strongest urge to punch someone in the face.

Someone with a dumb smile and blue sparkling eyes who was the cause of his increased heartbeat and the slow simmering in his stomach.

“ I understand that their culture fascinates you, but we really need to be on schedule,” Spock said again in his monotonous voice which Leonard really appreciated right now, because Jim finally disentangled himself from the _‘ewe’_ as he mocked the meaning behind the name of that sly mutant and said, “ I’m afraid my First Officer has a point. Please, tell your brother how honored we were to be received in your home and I hope that our relations will improve even more in the near future.”

Leonard wanted to roll his eyes at Jim’s sweet voice as he spoke to that _thing,_ but he refrained himself from doing so, just wishing that they would fucking get moving already!

He was sure that that would be the case now that Jim actually got his head out of his ass, but then the clingy freak girl, female, thing—whatever, spoke.

Her unnaturally green eyes sparkled as she took a step towards them, or more precisely—towards Jim.

The colourful crest on her forehead swished to the sides lightly as she had a devastated expression, casting her gaze down and saying in a voice above a whisper, “ That really is a shame…I was hoping that you would stay a bit longer, so that we would be able to discuss my…Nightmares.”

Then she actually looked up, locking her eyes with Jim’s and what the hell—how the fuck were her previously completely dry eyes now moist?!

Leonard stared at her in wonder and something didn’t feel right.

“Oh,” he heard Jim say and he knew that tone of voice, even if he couldn’t see Jim’s expression.

He knew it too well and before he could react and stop that naïve idiot from doing what he usually did, Jim was already rubbing the back of his neck and saying, “Well, I guess we could be a little late. It won’t kill us. So, let’s go somewhere more private, so that you can tell me what’s bothering you.”

Leonard stood there and it was as if everything Jim said and did happened in slow-motion.

The way that thing brightened at that, the wetness from her eyes suddenly gone as she fluttered her eyelashes at Jim, before linking her arm with his.

The exact moment Jim turned to them and winked at him, before going with her.

And the moment Uhura followed after them, because she needed to go to the bathroom, before ‘her bladder exploded,’ as she so colorfully stated.

“There is something off with that rooster chick,” Leonard muttered as he watched Jim disappear with Uhura and that spoonhead.

“Affirmative. Cardassians do not need sleep to properly function, so her claim about nightmares is illogical. However, I do not understand what the Captain is thinking,” Spock said, a questioning look on his face and Leonard knew that hell would freeze over if hobgoblin was actually agreeing with him on something.

“He is not thinking, that’s what it is, “ Leonard grumbled, but then corrected himself and added, “ Actually he is thinking with his other head, the idiot.”

Spock observed him for a few seconds, a contemplative look on his stoic face as he flatly responded, “Illogical.”

Leonard frowned even more, but then the green giant Vulcan kept talking in that impassive tone which always makes Leonard want to shoot himself in the head, or, preferably—Spock.

“As far as my knowledge on human physiology goes, humans have one head, so your conclusion makes no sense, Doctor”

“No, Spock, that’s not what I mea—,” Leonard started to explain exasperatedly, but then gave up.

He couldn’t deal with this right now and instead just let out an annoyed sigh as he said, “Just forget it.”

“Impossible. My memory is far better than that which means I cannot forget it in a matter of seconds. So, please elaborate.”

The Vulcan was staring at him as if he was an idiot and all Leonard could do was gape at him incredulously, before he was turning his back to the irritating green-blooded annoyance and walking away while muttering under his breath, “Hobgoblin bastard.”

He didn’t know where he was going, but all he knew was that he couldn’t stop the sharp stab of jealousy at the way that thing practically plastered herself to Jim’s side which that asshole happily accepted.

Nightmares.

If Jim wanted someone to talk to about their nightmares then Leonard had an extensive collection of his own nightmares to share.

And 99% of them included Jim bleeding to death for being so trustworthy.

Kind of like now when he went with some unknown chick to a more private room in the palace filled with previously hostile nation which hated the Federation.

Great.

Just fucking great, he cursed under his breath.

He decided that he has had enough.

If Jim was stupid enough not to worry about his own safety in order to flirt with some mutant with suspicious intentions then there was nothing Leonard could do but go back to the ship and sulk in his sickbay while questioning his life choices.

He exited the palace, since he knew that he can’t be beamed to the ship while he was inside and then he headed towards one of the crew member waiting outside.

Unfortunately, he was the only one who forgot his transmitter, so he couldn’t call Scotty and ask him to beam him back to the ship.

However, as he approached the place where they left the young male crew member, he scowled when he saw that there was no one there.

Then he spotted drops of blood which was enough to alarm him in an instant.

He looked to his left and sure enough he saw what he dreaded he would see.

The guy was lying on the ground, his head a bloody mess.

He rushed to him and crouched, before feeling his pulse.

He felt relieved when he realized that the boy was alive, but he needed to get him to the sickbay as soon as possible.

He found the transmitter in the unconscious male’s pocket and started speaking into it.

“Scotty, I need to—,” he never got to finish that sentence, because pain exploded behind his eyes and suddenly there was nothing but darkness around him.

 ~

 

When Leonard woke up, the first thing that he noticed was that he was shivering.

The second was the blinding pain that made his head throb as he squinted his eyes and grunts.

“Hm, finally awake, aren’t we, Doctor?”

His eyes flew open at that and even through his bleary vision he managed to recognize the person standing in front of him and smirking.

The freaking mutant girl.

“The fuck?” Leonard managed to utter, even though his tongue felt like sandpaper and his throat was so dry that any sound he makes just hurt so much that he wanted to scream, but screaming would cause him more pain so he gritted his teeth and endured.

He tried to move his hands, but then he felt his blood going cold when he realized his hands were tied with a rope behind the wooden chair he was sitting on.

Shit.

“I knew you would be a problem Doctor the moment I saw you looking at all of us with disgust in your eyes. Not to mention your little stunt with checking the food.”

Leonard widened his eyes slightly, because he was sure that he was being extra careful not to be noticed then.

His reaction made that crazy thing laugh and then her eyes shone dangerously, making Leonard shudder which made her grin wickedly.

“Your Captain is pretty smart. Didn’t look that way, but oh, he had me fooled, alright. He sensed something was off the moment I took him to my sleeping quarters. And then before I knew it he dodged my knife attack and was running to warn his friends.”

Leonard stopped breathing when he heard that Jim got attacked and saw the growing displeasure on his kidnapper’s face.

“By the time I yelled out to everyone to catch him, he was already pulling that girl by the hand and running to that green brick wall of a Vulcan who had disabled most of my men.”

Leonard saw how her expression had hardened, her features now twisting into something so ugly which made him swallow nervously.

This was so not good.

“By the time I caught up to them, they were already running out of the palace and being swallowed in a beam of light. Along with that guy that one of my guards previously disabled.”

But then, your captain looked panicked as he desperately yelled, “Bones?! Where is Bones?!”

“And that’s when I knew not all was lost,” she said as she licked her bottom lip and sneered.

Leonard suppressed the rush of panic threatening to consume him and tried to seem cool.

After all, he needed to get out of this mess.

He needed to get back to Enterprise.

To…Jim…He needed to go back to Jim.

He felt the guilt and worry wash over him, because he knew that if anything happened to him then Jim would blame himself and never be able to forgive himself and Leonard couldn’t let the kid feel that way.

He just couldn’t.

So, in one swift motion, fuelled by some sudden rush of adrenaline and anger, he jumped up and kicked her in the stomach, before running off while still tied to that wooden chair.

He was a healer, not a fighter, but luckily the element of surprise caught her off guard and he did kick her with all of his strength that was enough to send her fumbling to the floor as she let out a painful gasp.

Leonard hope that that was enough for him to get out of the palace, because whoever knocked him out was obviously not intelligent enough to take away the transmitter he had managed to shove in his pocket, before everything went black around him.

So, all he needed to do was get out, call Scotty and tell him to beam him the fuck out of this place.

As Jim would say, “Piece of cake.”

Somehow, Leonard doubted all of that and he was never an optimist, so if he was currently thinking like this then that meant that he was definitely desperate which was why he needed to hurry the hell out of here.

 ~

 

To his luck, the room where he was imprisoned seemed to be close to the door which led out of the palace and soon enough he was already outside.

He fumbled with the transmitter, dropping him to the ground at first, because of his still tied hands and cursing.

Then he fell on his knees and somehow managed to contact the Enterprise, yelling, “Scotty!”

“Doc! I’ll locate yer right away and beam ye back. Hold on!”

He couldn’t hold on, he thought as he saw the furious armed spoonheads led by that green-eyed monster approaching him which was why he yelled slightly hysterical, “ SCOTTY! I’M OUT OF TIME, FUCKING HURRY!”

He got no answer, but he heard the cursing on the other line and shit, is this how it ends, he thought, feeling defeated.

Just when he thought that there was no chance of escape, there was light in front of him and then the most gorgeous man stepped out of it.

The man of his dreams.

“Jim…,” Leonard breathed out and the man seemed so worn-out, but still so radiant and he was frowning, but then his eyes lit up as he said in relieved voice, “Bones…,” and extended his arms towards him, hurriedly beckoning him to step into the light.

Of course, Leonard did so without an ounce of hesitation  as he got up, and he saw Jim relaxing which gave him hope that everything would be alright, but then he couldn’t move.

His back hurt, the sharp pain spreading everywhere and he felt as if there was an explosion in his head.

 The last thing he heard was Jim desperately shouting his name.

His real name.

“Leonard!!!!”

It sounded so beautiful coming out of his mouth, but he hated how Jim’s tone of voice echoed in his ears.

Panicked and devastated and he didn’t want Jim to be sad.

Especially not because of him.

Unfortunately, he had no control of that, nor of his body, he thought, before everything around him disappeared.

~

 

The distant beeping sound kept getting louder, hurting his eardrums and making him finally open his eyes.

Or at least that was what he tried to do, but he felt as if his eyelids were permanently stuck, preventing him from seeing anything other than the darkness in front of his eyes.

He tried not to panic, although he did feel his heartbeat accelerating at the thought that something was very wrong with him.

The last thing he remembered were those crystal blue eyes widening in terror, before he blacked out.

Jim.

He needed to know Jim was okay, he thought with resolve as he struggled to open his eyes.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, his eyes fluttered open, squinting at the light that attacked his sensitive pupils.

He blinked a few times, although with some difficulty, until the surrounding finally came into view.

He was in his sickbay which made relief wash over him.

He turned to his left, even that slight movement causing him pain with his whole body aching.

His gaze fell on the heart monitor next to him which was the source of that annoying beeping sound which woke him up.

But then again, it was better that there was that sound.

For him, that was, because otherwise if there wasn’t that would mean he was dead and he really wasn’t on board with that idea.

Still, there was no one around and he had no information about Jim which was why he tried to call out to someone.

However, that posed a great difficulty, his throat so dry that when he tried to speak, no sound came out of his mouth.

He ignored the soreness in his throat as he cleared it, his voice coming out croaked and unpleasant even to his ears.

“The fuck is everyone?!”

He was getting slightly irritated that there was no one around, not even a nurse which showed how unprofessional his medical staff was.

They were in some serious rebuking on his part when he recovers.

He frowned, feeling frustrated that he would have to use his voice again, the scratching in his throat having increased after his initial try.

He parted his lips, ready to curse again, only louder, in hopes someone would finally fucking notice that their patient was awake, but then he saw a familiar face.

Nurse Chapel wore a worried scowl on her face as she ran her eyes over his body and then seemingly relaxed a bit, the tension leaving her stiff shoulders.

“Dr. McCoy, I am glad you are finally awake. You really got us all worried,” she said with a soft expression on her face and even though Leonard had a million questions, the first thing that came out of his mouth was, “Jim. What about Jim?”

He ignored the sort of knowing smile Chapel directed at him, before she answered, “Unfortunately, the Captain was urgently called to the bridge about 10 minutes ago, because there is a storm approaching.”

Leonard didn’t even hear the comment about the storm, feeling calmer now that he knew Jim was okay if he was doing his usual captain duties.

He was just about to ask the nurse about the extent of his injuries, but she wiggled her eyebrows at him, her voice teasing as she said, “But before that, he was practically glued to your bed ever since you were brought in. Even when we assured him you were going to be fine a few days ago, he refused to leave your side. We know that the Captain is loyal, but some would say you that you are definitely his favourite.~”

Leonard fought back the blush that was threatening to erupt on his cheeks and instead glowered and said in a gravelly voice, “It’s in Jim’s personality to be an over-caring fool. Now tell me what the fuck happened? The last thing I remember is losing consciousness, before I even managed to get beamed up, so how the hell am I still breathing?”

Christine smiled coyly and said, “You can thank the over-caring Captain for that.”

Leonard did not miss her half-mocking tone, but ignored it, because he was too curious about the events that occurred.

“You got shot in the back and the head which caused you to black out, before you were able to step into the light. However, the Captain caught you in his strong arms and Mr. Chekov managed to beam you both just before you became dust. Then the Captain scooped you in his arms and ran to the medic bay, practically begging us to save your life.”

Leonard averted his gaze, his eyebrows furrowing, because he felt vexed that he was being teased so blatantly, but he couldn’t deny the way his heart hammered in his chest at the thought of Jim carrying him in his arms and being so worried for him.

He also wondered if Jim had carried him with the chair attached to his back which would have been a really interesting sight to see.

He also felt really guilty about making the kid so concerned.

“How long was I out?”

He asked instead, wanting for the nurse to stop looking at him like that.

It was as if she saw right through him, but thankfully she just chuckled before she said, “You have been unconscious for 5 days straight. Doctor Geoffrey performed 2 surgeries on you, in order to stop the internal bleeding near your spine, as well as to be sure that there was no permanent damage to your brain, caused by the blast. Your injuries were serious, but not life-threatening, so you will not have to go to physical therapy. However, you will need to rest for at least a week and take proper medications. The Captain already granted us the permission to keep you out of work for a week when you woke up. Speaking of which, he asked us to inform him immediately when you wake up which is what I need to do right now.”

“A WHOLE WEEK?! WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR A WHOLE WEEK—I’LL GO CRAZY!” Leonard yelled after her, feeling bewildered, but she was not paying any intention to his protests as she went to call Jim.

Leonard huffed in annoyance as he settled back in bed.

They were being ridiculous.

All of them.

He was just fine.

The way his body hurt all over was just a minor inconvenience which he was sure would pass soon enough.

There was no need for such drama.

Which was the first thing he told Jim as soon as the guy all but rushed into the infirmary, yelling, “ BONES!!! DON’T EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT, MAN!”

Leonard did feel bad about that, because behind that wide grin there was apparent concern and relief in those eyes that stared at him, making him feel short of breath.

“Sorry, Jimmy. But, now that you can see I’m perfectly fine, you can cut that nonsense about me not going to work for a week,” Leonard said as he watched Jim settle on the chair next to his bed which was apparently where Jim had even been sleeping for the previous few nights to keep an eye on him as nurse Chapel said.

Leonard couldn’t stop the warmth that spread through his chest at that, although he did feel his stomach drop when he saw the prominent dark circles under Jim’s eyes, knowing he was the cause of it.

Jim frowned at him, shaking his head and saying in a firm tone, “Sorry, Bones. No can do. You need to rest.”

“But, Jim!” Leonard cried out, not even feeling ashamed, because Jim was acting stubborn for no reason.

He was just about to protest some more, but then Jim looked at him straight in the eye, those unreal blue eyes piercing through him as he seriously said, “Bones, I thought I lost you. When I saw you collapsing in front of my eyes, my chest clenched and it hurt so fucking much. You looked so pale when I brought you in and there was so much blood and I—“

Bones stared at Jim in wonder who had cut himself off, trying to find the words and muttering under his breath.

He had never seen Jim look so…Defeated.

“You are my best friend. And I am going to make damn sure nothing like this ever happens to you. So, you are banned from going into the medic bay for a week. I need you fully recovered, or I won’t be able to function well. Please…Don’t be stubborn about this.”

Leonard had no idea what to say to that, because Jim was pleading him with those wide eyes full of regret and something else which Leonard never saw before that caused his heart to thrum in his chest and his face to get warmer.

He dismissed those thoughts and then set his lips in a thin line.

Honestly, how could he say no to Jim when he looked so desperate and sincere and just so—.

Leonard sighed and said, “Fine, kiddo. But after that week is over, I am back here no matter what you say. Got that?”

He tried to be all stern and scary, but Jim always saw right through him as he grinned so hard that it looked as if his mouth was going to split in two, his eyes shining with mirth as he exclaimed, “That’s the spirit, Bones! You’ll be back here in no time, you’ll see! Also, those old bones of yours deserve some rest.”

Cursed be Jim and his fast reflexes, Leonard thought as he tried to slap the kid’s head after that insult, only for Jim to skillfully avoid it and duck out of the room while laughing in such a carefree matter that had the butterflies flying in Leonard’s stomach and making him queasy.

 ~

 

Leonard had thought that after he got dismissed from the medical bay and sent to his quarters to rest that he would die of boredom.

But, Jim made sure that that would not be the case.

Wherever he went, Jim was there.

The kid was literally everywhere and while Leonard appreciated the company, he was not used to them spending almost every minute together.

No, scratch that.

Even before everything, they were known as drinking buddies, who stuck together most of the times, joking, but also supporting each other when they were having a hard time.

However, he was not used to being babied by Jim.

Usually, it was him fussing over Jim and his avoidance of regular check-ups, not to mention his irrational fear of hyposprays whenever Leonard even tried approaching him with one, only for Jim to fled the premise in a matter of seconds.

Now, their roles were reversed.

Not only did Jim get this panicked look whenever Leonard winced if he felt a sort of a discomfort from his wounds, which was perfectly normal during the recovery period as he kept assuring Jim every time the kid insisted they went to the medic bay for him to get that checked up, but he also made sure Leonard took his medications every day.

He would always appear in his quarters at night, right before he was supposed to take the pills and he wouldn’t leave until he saw Leonard drinking them.

It was really adorable and also really creepy at the same time.

Still, he couldn’t complain about spending more time with Jim, because he was sure that they had gotten even closer, if that was possible, during this time.

And the kid really was a good distraction from the boredom he would have fallen into more often if he didn’t spend almost every minute of his days off work with Jim entertaining him with his crazy stories.

He should have known that all of that was the calm before the storm.

After all, they had never really talked about the events leading to Leonard getting injured.

 ~

 

It was on the fifth day of his “sick leave” that everything went to hell.

Jim and the crew had gone to one of the space stations that was on their course, in order to inspect it.

Pike had previously called Jim, telling him how they got a call of distress from the people working there and asking Jim to check it out.

Of course, Leonard really disliked that idea, because for an explorer ship, they sure kept getting into these battles which were not theirs to fight.

And by “they”, he meant—“Jim”.

Jim, with his stupid passionate gaze and the desire to help and save everyone, who, instead of bringing more people with him, knowing how dangerous it might get down there, decided only to take Spock and Sulu with him.

Naturally, the idiot got hurt.

Leonard knew that it would happen and he was already on the edge while waiting for their return, but then to make things worse, when they got beamed back up after their alarmed calls to Chekov, Jim did not allow him to approach him.

All 3 of them had suffered injuries, being instantly attacked by some rebellious race from a planet nearby who had already taken over the space station, but of course—Jim got the short end of it as always.

And while Leonard sighed in relief this time when he realized Jim’s injuries were shallow, the most alarming one being the large bloody gash starting from the top of his forehead, all the way to his left ear, he was still pissed at Jim.

Why?

Because the idiot did not allow for Leonard to tend to his wounds, shooing him away to rest.

How the hell could he fucking go and do nothing while Jim was bleeding and still being a stubborn little shit, who always put everyone else’s needs before his own?!

He had been so angry that he started yelling at Jim in the sickbay, before he got kicked out by M’Benga for disturbing the other patients.

He was fuming, especially when he saw Jim staring at him with a disappointed look which only made him angrier as he all but stomped to his room, not even looking back once.

If Jim was going to be such an ass then he was going to be one as well.

He slammed the door to his quarters shut and released something between a frustrated yell and a grunt.

He has had it enough with James T. Kirk, a.k.a. the source of all his happiness as well as misery for the past few years.

 ~

 

Leonard had calmed down after his mental breakdown an hour ago, but he still felt wronged by Jim.

He was sitting in his armchair, trying to read some book, but his mind kept going to Jim and his refusal of Leonard’s help.

Although he knew why Jim had done that, it still stung to be rejected like that and look at his best friend hurting while he helplessly stood there.

He was a fucking doctor for fuck’s sake and also, he was FINE!

So, why couldn’t Jim just get that in that thick-skull of his?!

He let out another annoyed breath just thinking about it, but then the door to his room abruptly opened, startling him a bit.

He tensed when he saw it was Jim, who of course knew the security code to his quarters.

He stood up immediately, but was taken aback by Jim’s stony expression, who gritted out, “What the hell was that back there??”

Leonard was speechless, because if anyone should be asking that question then that was him and not Jim, who was giving him this betrayed look, like what in the actual fuck??

He took a step forward, his eyes narrowing at the source of his frustrations, in more ways than one, and then he spat out, “ I should be the one asking you that. What the hell were you thinking, not letting me help you and humiliating me in front of my medical staff, not to mention getting me kicked out? Some best friend you are.”

Leonard knew he had crossed the line when a look of hurt flashed on Jim’s face at that last comment and he wanted to take it back desperately, because he didn’t even mean it, but he was just so irked with Jim and there was also that bandage around his head, the golden strands falling over it that had Leonard feeling sick to the stomach because he really, really hated seeing Jim being hurt.

Before he could add anything, Jim was already closing the distance, even squaring up a bit to seem intimidating as he tersely said, “Best friends make sure the other’s health is not jeopardized in any way which is precisely what I did. Sorry that you can’t seem to realize that.”

Leonard stared at Jim in disbelief, because SERIOUSLY?!

He let out a humorless laugh, his tone of voice mocking as he said, “Pretty hypocritical of you to say that, since my best friend’s health was endangered and he didn’t let me tend to him.”

Jim’s frown deepened at that, only a few short steps separating them when those blue eyes flashed with anger, causing something to stir inside of Leonard.

He didn’t like where this was going.

He had never seen Jim look at him like this, the intensity of his gaze making him want to avert his eyes, but luckily he was stubborn enough to keep staring at him challenginglly.

“The wound was not that serious and there were others who would take care of it later on. It’s not like _you_ always have to be the only one patching me up.”

That was a low blow, Leonard thought as he clenched his fist and lowered his gaze for a moment.

If anything, Jim had always requested him as his doctor, since he had no trust in the others and actually hated getting examined.

However, he allowed Leonard to be his personal doctor for years now and what, just because he had been hurt once, now Jim was treating him as if he was made of glass and even decided to strip him of his responsibility of taking care of him?

Then Leonard really saw no point in him being stuck in this large metal can floating in space, since the only reason he was here was because Jim pleaded him to come as his doctor, saying how he couldn’t do this without him.

Apparently, things changed, Leonard thought, his chest aching and burning and he despised himself for being so hurt over it.

He looked up, glaring at Jim as he said in a cold voice, “Fine. Then if I am not needed anymore, I will hand my letter of resignation tomorrow and be out of your sight soon enough. That way we won’t see when the other is in a risky situation for their health.”

He didn’t mean a single word of it.

He didn’t want to quit, let alone stop being Jim’s doctor.

Not to mention that he wasn’t sure he would be able to bear not seeing Jim every day, or in general, but there was no use in staying somewhere where he was unwanted.

He didn’t know what reaction to expect at his statement, but he sure as hell did not think Jim would actually have his lips parted so wide that a fly could get in, the shock and hurt swimming in his eyes.

Then there was fury as Jim’s expression hardened and he finally closed the distance between them, their bodies so close that Leonard actually felt the heat radiating from Jim’s body which almost made him shudder.

However he raised his chin defiantly while staring at Jim, whose eyes were now slightly darker, the storm of emotions raging in them.

“Really, Bones? After all these years and everything we have been through, you would actually use this emotional blackmail? Wow. I never expected this from you. I am really disappointed.”

And of all the things Jim could have told him, this was the worst.

It was like a punch in the gut while Jim was giving him that betrayed look and how the hell was he the bad guy here, he thought incredulously.

The simmering in his gut increased as he clenched his fist and shot Jim a dirty look as he said, “Don’t you fuckin’ dare, Jim. You know I would have done anything to keep you out of trouble. You have no idea how much it tears me apart when they bring you to me all covered in blood and I have to suck it up and pretend like my best friend might not die on my hands and instead do everything in my power to put you back together, only to have you grinning at me afterwards and then going off and getting yourself into another mess over and over, just because you have this irreparable need to protect everyone, but yourself! So don’t come at me with that shit! You know that I would have even risked my life for you!”

He didn’t even realize he was yelling until he finished, breathing heavier while still not averting his gaze.

That was why he saw the way Jim’s jaw tightened, how his eyes hardened, his body going rigid as he took another step forward causing Leonard to instinctively take a step back, because he realized that he may have indeed crossed the line, judging by the stifling atmosphere between them.

“Oh, trust me, Leonard, I know,” Leonard got slightly startled at Jim’s voice thick with so many emotions he couldn’t decipher and the sudden use of his name.

“Also, that awful feeling that you just described? Unfortunately, I have experienced it. The moment you got hit by that blast and I saw the blank look in your eyes, it was as if the time had stopped. I was so sure that it was all over, and you know what the worst part of it is?”

Leonard stared at Jim, feeling too stunned to say anything, especially when Jim had that self-deprecating look.

“The fact that it was all my fault.”

Leonard gaped, because where the hell had that come from?

He had never blamed Jim for getting hurt.

It wasn’t Jim’s fault that that Cardassian chick was a complete wacko.

Before he could say something, Jim’s eyes flashed with something, so fast that Leonard had no time to recognize that particular look and then Jim fixed him with a look so strong that Leonard’s breath hitched especially when Jim said in a harsh voice, “Maybe you do have a point. If you quit, at least I won’t have to worry about you ever getting hurt again and I wouldn’t have to go through that hell of wondering if you will wake up. No matter how crushed I will be not to see you every day, at least I’ll know you are safe. So, I accept your resignation.”

Leonard felt as if this was happening to someone else, not him.

Because there was no way that Jim said that.

However, the hollow feeling in his chest told him otherwise as he stared into Jim’s determined expression and he really had to fix things before it was too late.

“Jim,” he started in a slightly shaky voice and cleared his throat, sounding more resolved, “ I didn’t mean that. I was just pissed off. I want to stay.”

He was sure that that would be enough, but Jim was still looking at him with those guarded eyes and that expression which made him want to puke and then he was opening his mouth and practically ripping Leonard’s heart in half with the words, “ No. I’m sorry, but this is for the best.”

And then he was turning around to leave and suddenly Leonard couldn’t breathe properly.

The dread filled his body as he struggled to find some words to stop this from happening, because holy shit, Jim was dead serious and Leonard knew that once he walked through that door that that would be it.

He really screwed up big time, but the oxygen was not reaching his brain fast enough and he made a step forward while raising his hand towards Jim, but the kid was already out of reach, not even looking back and it hurt, it hurt so much that he felt his chest squeezing and then he was hyperventilating, his heart knocking on his ribcage at a maddening speed and the next thing he knew he was on his knees, no words coming out of his mouth.

Shit, he was having a panic attack.

He had never had those before, so he had no idea what to do.

He tried to tell himself to breathe in and breathe out at a much slower rate than the one he was following now, practically choking on nothing but air, but it was no use.

The image of Jim’s unrelenting expression and dismissal kept replaying before his eyes, clouding his mind with panic as dark thoughts swirled chaotically in his head, disabling him from thinking straight.

He knew that Jim was doing this for his own good, or at least, that’s what Jim thought, but Leonard knew he wouldn’t be able to get through this without breaking completely.

As much as it haunted him whenever they brought Jim like that to him, wrecked apart, he would never be able to forgive himself for not being by Jim’s side if anything happened to him.

Which, knowing Jim and his reckless nature, surely would.

Also, the thought of being away from Jim, not seeing those beautiful kind eyes, not being rewarded with that soft smile that took his breath away every time made his chest ache so much that he thought it would burst open.

And although he knew that someone as magnificent as James Kirk would never look at him the way Leonard had been looking at him for quite some time now, it didn’t matter.

He could go on just by knowing that he is in Jim’s life as a best friend to support him and nothing more.

But without that, he was lost.

The pressure in his chest grew and now it was getting bad.

His vision was getting blurry, no matter how many times he tried to blink away the fog.

He was gradually being pulled into the darkness, his thoughts getting mushy, but then he heard a voice in the distance, calling out to him frantically.

It would be so easy to just let go, he thought, his eyes almost completely closed, but that voice just wouldn’t let him.

Then there were hands on his shoulders, shaking him and even though he barely felt the movement, it helped clear up the fog a bit.

“Bones?! Bones, what’s going on?? Talk to me, please!”

It was the sheer desperation in that voice that made him blink and then he was staring into those hypnotizing blue eyes which were wide and so full of fear and Leonard wanted nothing more than to tell Jim everything was going to be okay.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t so sure it would, but then one hand moved to the back of his neck, the skin on skin contact making him flinch, before he relaxed into the touch, Jim’s thumb rubbing soothing circles there and causing him to breathe more easier.

“J-jim,” he breathed out and then he saw the urgency in Jim’s eyes as there were now hands cupping his face, Jim’s voice rushed and alarmed as he said, “What is it, Bones? Tell me what to do and I will.  Anything.”

Leonard weakly grabbed the front of Jim’s uniform, looking into his worried eyes and saying, “Bed. Get me to bed.”

Wow.

He had imagined saying that to Jim so many times, but not like this.

Not when he felt and probably looked so pathetic, not even being able to walk on his own, with Jim carefully placing his arms under his armpits and lifting him up.

Leonard leaned onto Jim, his hands somehow reaching Jim’s firm chest and then Jim was murmuring encouraging words into his ear while slowly getting him to his bed.

He was a bit calmer now, but his breath was still coming out in gasps, the dizziness not having completely gone away which was why he didn’t put up any fight when Jim gently eased him on his back in the bed.

“I’m going to get M’Benga. It will just take a minute, I swear,” Jim quickly said and he was just about to leave, but that brought another surge of panic in Leonard that he grabbed Jim’s wrist, albeit with a small amount of force and said, “Please, stay.”

Jim looked conflicted as he glanced towards the door and then to him and he said, “But, you need help and I—,” Leonard cut him off by saying, “ I need you. Please, James.”

He knew that he had won the battle when he saw Jim widening his eyes at the use of his full name.

Then Jim was sitting next to him and intertwining their fingers, causing something to bloom in Leonard’s chest despite the situation.

“I am not going anywhere, buddy,” Jim said reassuringly and God, Leonard would never stop getting amazed at how someone as beautiful as James Kirk existed.

And how in the world someone as cynical as him managed to get a best friend like that, who would actually put up with his shit and stay by his side all the time.

Leonard closed his eyes, willing himself to breathe normally.

He owed Jim at least that much after causing him to look so distressed.

After a few moments, he finally deemed it safe to start talking, although he kept Jim’s hand in his hold.

Surprisingly, Jim didn’t seem like he had the intention to pull away anyways, so that also helped him regain his senses.

When he looked at Jim, the kid was looking at him disquietly that Leonard felt his lungs constricting.

Shit, he really was an asshole.

“Jim, don’t kick me out,” he started and even though Jim softly said, “Shhh, Bones. Don’t talk, save your energy,” Leonard continued.

He had to.

“No. Jimmy, listen to me,” he said with so much determination that even Jim shut up and just let him talk.

 “I was babbling then. Even though I hate seeing you get hurt, I just can’t be away from you. You mean too much to me and I can’t live not knowing if you are dead or alive. I can’t live not…I can’t…,” Leonard struggled for words, trying to formulate his thoughts in such a way as to not reveal what he truly felt, but his defenses were down and ultimately he blurted out his longest kept secret, “I can’t live without _you_.”

He knew that he was blushing and his heart was banging against his chest so loudly that he felt like he was going to have another panic attack when he saw the shock in Jim’s eyes and then he was about to take it all back, because, fuck—he couldn’t ruin their friendship like that.

He parted his lips to say something, anything, but then Jim’s other hand was gently resting on his check and caressing it, rendering him speechless.

The stunned expression was replaced with so much fondness in Jim’s eyes that Leonard felt as if he was melting and there was also that look Jim had been recently having whenever they were together which he didn’t know how to decipher, but now he was almost sure what it meant, but he couldn’t get his hopes up and then have them crushed just like that, because that would kill him.

Fortunately, he didn’t have to wonder for long because Jim was speaking, saying, “I can’t live without you either. That was what I realized when I thought I had lost you. And the other thing that I realized while watching you on that biobed, with those tubes in your body, looking pale and weak, was that I want to be by your side as much as possible. And not just as your best friend. But, as more. So much more.”

Leonard couldn’t believe this was happening.

He had dreamed of it, but he was always sure that that was what it was going to be.

Only a dream.

But, now, Jim was staring at him with so much affection and also, slight anxiousness and then his voice was barely above a whisper as he sort of shyly said, “That is, if you’ll have me,” and Leonard’s heart exploded into a million pieces right then and there as he twisted his free hand in Jim’s soft golden locks and said, “ Of course I’ll have you, you fuckin’ idiot,” before crashing their mouths together in a kiss so intense which left them both panting for air afterwards.

He swallowed Jim’s surprised gasp when their lips connected, but then Jim was immediately responding to the kiss, his mouth parting over Leonard’s as he squeezed his hand, diving in deeper and deeper with each passing second and causing Leonard to thank some higher forces for lying down, because he was sure he would have fainted from the sheer strength behind Jim’s kiss.

As if having Jim kiss him like there was no tomorrow wasn’t dizzying enough, then that gorgeous bastard just had to hover over him, his knees on the bed on each side of Leonard’s waist, their bodies almost pressing together, but not quite, driving Leonard insane as Jim kept kissing him wildly, pulling out these soft gasps and moans out of Leonard’s mouth which Leonard was not even aware he was able to produce until now.

It was all so overwhelming and yet not nearly enough, he thought as he desperately pulled Jim even closer to him, the kiss turning messy and so unbelievably dirty with their tongues curling around each other and it felt so, so good that Leonard couldn’t help but arch his back, their hips meeting in the middle, causing them both to let out strangled groans.

Finally Jim pulled away and Leonard couldn’t keep his eyes away from his flushed face, dark gaze and parted, slightly swollen lips and he was already leaning forward, about to continue where they left off, maybe even make it more intense, but then there was sharp pain travelling down his spine, causing him to shut his eyes and let out a painful groan.

Jim’s hands were immediately on his face and chest, touching him carefully but frantically, his voice slightly higher as he kept saying, “Bones? Bones, are you okay? Shit, what happened?”

Leonard really hated that Cardassian bitch for stopping him from fulfilling all kinds of fantasies he had about Jim by fucking up his back.

He opened his eyes and let out a vexed huff as he stroked Jim’s hair, saying, “No, I’m not fuckin’ okay. I can’t even enjoy the taste of your mouth without my wound cock-blocking me. Shit.”

He expected some sympathy from Jim, but the bastard actually had the audacity to start laughing out loud which earned him a pinch on the forearm from Leonard.

Despite his yelp of pain, he continued laughing which made Leonard sulk, but then Jim was kissing him slowly and with caution which made Leonard’s heart beat faster.

“Don’t worry. We’ll have time to do whatever we want soon enough. Until then, we can just start with light activities. After all, you need to be completely recovered in order to handle someone like me.”

Leonard would like to say that he didn’t die a little at that seductive voice and sultry look he got from Jim, but that would have been one big fat lie, he thought, his cheeks burning as he continued with those light activities with Jim smiling against his lips.


End file.
